In today’s world many people who get married will end up divorced. Those who end up divorced often don’t know exactly when or how to move forward and “get back in the saddle”. That is why it is important for those who are divorced to ask themselves the appropriate questions to help them move forward.
To help our readers become more effective in moving on after divorce, Datingservices.net has asked several divorce experts and divorce coaches: “What are the most important questions to ask yourself after going through a divorce?”
We’ve compiled their expert advice into one comprehensive and helpful resource guide for those who are divorced. This guide will help you determine the appropriate questions to ask yourself when trying to move forward a get back into the dating scene.
DatingServices.net Expert Divorce Panel
Ana Weber: Ana H.B. Weber lives in Southern California.
Ana completed the Masters Program in Human Relations and Business. She has also pursued additional studies at Oxford University; England; human behavior throughout the changes in life, business challenges and Old English Literature and Expressions
Ana worked in the financial world for more than 20 years. She built companies from the ground up and kept cash flow alive. She knows how to maintain and cherish amazing business relationships and to support the organization and the overall growth of a business. She is a natural motivator and her management skills are powerful and very well regarded. Presently Ana is consulting a manufacturing company in Los Angeles. She offers her expertise in; finances; cash flow; time management and business organization and business relationships.
But Ana wanted to give the world more than just successful businesses. She never lost her youthful dreams of reaching out to people and making a difference in the world. She had been writing since her teen years and determined to use that talent to share the many lessons life had taught her.
While continuing to work full time in the business world, Ana began to write as a second career. She published a novel titled Avantgarde and a collection of her poetry titled Silky Emotions, both in 2005. She also published 3 well-received books on several aspects of personal relationships: 11-Step Formula to Bridge the Gap between Parents and Teenagers (2006), Dumped: The Ultimate Guide to Starting Over (2006), and Lemons into Lemonade without the SUGAR (2007), A Diet for Change (2007) Your 48 HOUR Day, The World’s Simplest Time Solution Guide (2008).
Her books are featured in multimillion dollar websites including SheKnows.com and VenusDivas.com and Divorce.com
Ana has not limited her writing career to books. She is also a freelance journalist specializing in interviewing interesting high profile people. Her interviews include former super model, Kathy Ireland; Internet pioneer, e-business strategist, author, and founder and CEO of the American Foundation for Women’s Health, Melanie True Hills; author and president of Power To Grow Ministries, Jackie Kendall; Apprentice Season 5 winner and Trump Mortgage CEO, Lee Bienstock; president of the California Medical Board, Steve Alexander; author, cash flow expert and international business consultant, Michael Burdette, Dr. Alan Greene, Raising Baby Green, Dr John La Puma, ChefMD Big Book on Culinary Medicine, Dr. David Amen, Change your Brain, Change your Life, Rebecca Roy Beverly Hills Celebrity therapist, Alma Bond New York Psychotherapist, Dr. Johan Elerby return to the sacred, Danny Scheinmann, Random Acts of Heroic Love, Lisa Cooper Gavin CBI Education Network- and many more.
What are the most important questions to ask yourself after going through a divorce?
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Nick Hoss: Nick Hoss is an international dating coach with the industry leading Love Systems. He specializes in teaching men how to meet and attract women during the day time through individualized training. Check out his blog at http://www.nickhoss.com or follow his Twitter @LS_NickHoss
What are the most important questions to ask yourself after going through a divorce?
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Steve Nakamoto: Steve Nakamoto served over 5 years as iVillage.com’s Mr. Answer Man relationship expert where he helped women from around the world figure out the men in their love lives from an honest male perspective. He is the Writer’s Digest Award-winning author of Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Catching A Man, Dating Rocks! The 21 Smartest Moves Women Make For Love, and Talk Like A Winner! 21 Simple Rules For Achieving Everyday Communication Success. Visit his website at http://www.stevenakamoto.com and receive over $100 in FREE bonus information.
What are the most important questions to ask yourself after going through a divorce?
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Sally Connolly: Sally Connolly, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist who has been
practicing for over 30 years. She specializes in relationship counseling and has been helping couples and individuals form and be a part of healthy relationships throughout her career.
Sally has also taught classes in family therapy at The University of Louisville in both the post-masters’ Family Therapy Program and Kent School of Social Work. She co-taught a course in couples therapy with John Turner, LMFT, her husband, at The Louisville Seminary. Together, Sally and John have presented retreats and workshops for couples and for singles focused on the relationship skills of being an emotionally intelligent partnership.
Sally practices in Louisville, Kentucky and also provides online counseling through phone, email and chat.
Read more of her articles about healthy dating on her website, CounselingRelationships Online.
What are the most important questions to ask yourself after going through a divorce?
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April Braswell: Online Dating Coach and Dating Expert, April Braswell, has been sought after and advising men and women about dating, relationship coaching, and intimate love since 2002 after walking alongside her late husband through his battle with cancer. Having lived out marital commitment herself and inspiring singles and couples alike with their intimacy and courage, she knew her calling once widowed was to foster truly intimate relationships and encourage and strengthen marriages.
She specializes in helping the After 40 Dating single to find and attract the lasting love romantic relationship they desire.
April is noted for her warmth, her compassion, and her audacious sense of humor which she brings to her coaching, relationship workshops and products. Indeed, she believes there is someone for each of us and as a dating coach helps clients to dramatically increase the number of high quality dates and move to a satisfying, fulfilling, and committed life partner relationship expressed in marriage.
Men feel her understanding and appreciation of them as men. Women feel she is like a close girl friend, caring about them, building up their self-esteem and helping them to attract and create the wonderful romantic relationship they desire. April leads relationship workshops in Southern California. To receive update about them just sign up for her ezine at her Dating Relationship Help Blog: http://aprilbraswell.com/blog/
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Ana Weber:
What are the most important questions to ask yourself after going through a divorce?
1. Did you let go of him/her?
2. How much time you need to get there?
3. Do you need help with the change?
4. Are you angry?
5. Was the decision mutual? Who pursued it more; you or him/her?
6. Do you feel emotionally bankrupt?
7. Are you happier now?
8. Do you have money concerns?
9. How did the family and friends take it?
10. What is the next enjoyable thing you desire to do to move forward?
Nick Hoss:
What are the most important questions to ask yourself after going through a divorce?
A key thing to remember when dissecting a divorce (or any long-term relationship)is not to beat yourself up over it. You got married because it was the best you could do at the time, and since that time you or her have changed and grown. A lot of emotions come into play when a marriage ends. It sucks and it’s not fun, but in the long-run, the divorce will obviously be for the better because the relationship wasn’t working. Recognizing this gives you the freedom to move forward and to embrace the excitement of meeting somebody new, even it seems like the last time you did that was ages ago. Look at it as a learning lesson to meet somebody better in the future since you’re a smarter man for the experience. Now is the time you can take action, which is an option most men still in marriages don’t have.
Steve Nakamoto
What are the most important questions to ask yourself after going through a divorce?
THE BIG QUESTION ABOUT “AFTER THE DIVORCE”
“How long will it take for me to make the firm decision to move forward instead of stay glued to the past?”
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Divorce is a painful emotional experience for people to go through. But like any experience, it is not designed to harm people and make them suffer. It is meant for the person to heal themselves and become a better human being.
A person can spend the next 15 to 20 years going through therapy and feeling bad about their divorce. But in the end, it all finally boils down to a decision to move forward or stay glued to the past.
Why not save the time and anguish by making the decision now to move forward and get on with your life?
The 3 keys to making this happen are acceptance, responsibility and gratitude.
Acceptance is meant to take the sting out of the past and raise your emotional vibration out of the negativity created by shame, fear, and hurt.
Responsibility is meant to remove the anger out of blaming others and take the high road of emotional maturity.
And gratitude (for the life lessons) is meant to free you of the emotional burden and open yourself up to new growth opportunities.
The Bottom Line
While the experience of divorce is regarded by most people to be a bad one at the time, it is not necessarily so when viewed in retrospect. The fact is that all people make mistakes and have misunderstandings with other people. We can’t fix the past and repair broken marriages. But what we can do is make all of our new relationships, whether for love or friendship, treasured connections for all.
Sally Connolly
What are the most important questions to ask yourself after going through a divorce?
Dating After Divorce
Dating after a divorce can be both exciting and scary. Go slowly. Don’t rush into anything.
There are a lot of things to consider BEFORE making that leap back into the dating scene. You don’t have to have your whole life figured out; but it is important to understand a few things.
You want to be able to enjoy dating as something fun, an experience to meet others and grow as a person, both individually and with relationship skills; rather than a way to heal your wounds or find a replacement for a former spouse.
Here are 4 of the most important questions to ask and answer for yourself before jumping back into dating.
1. Do I feel that I am on pretty stable ground emotionally?
Take our quiz for singles “Emotionally Intelligent Relationships“ and see where
you fit right now.
2. Do I have at least a basic understanding of my part in the ending of the marriage? You don’t want to make the same mistakes in choosing a partner or in repeating your part in the problems of the marriage.
A few questions for consideration are: Did you have trouble speaking up? Negotiating conflict? Being open and honest? Have trouble with intimacy?
3. Have I thought through the qualities of a healthy dating partner? You want to choose people to date that fit with what you want in a partner. Consider quality over quantity. Consider below the surface characteristics of maturity, responsibility and respect.
When evaluating a potential date, the main question should not be “Will this person like me?” but rather, “Is this someone who will fit my criteria of a healthy dating partner?”
4. If there are children: Has enough time passed since my divorce that my children are ready for the changes that come about when a parent begins to date? Changes occur in families, even when children do not meet dating partners, and parents need to have a good understanding of what these are about. Children also need time to grieve the loss of the family that was before even entertaining the idea that their mom or dad may be involved with someone new.
As you answer these questions for yourself, hopefully you will have a better idea of when you are ready to re-enter the world of dating and can enjoy the experience as a healthy and whole person. Don’t expect to have them all figured out; but rather look to have a sense of each arena and continue to add to that information as you meet and experience other relationships.
April Braswell:
What are the most important questions to ask yourself after going through a divorce?
Dating Again After Divorce Reflection: How Does Your Ego Feel?
After a divorce, many singles initially feel a combination of fear as well as some insecurity about reentering the singles dating world. It’s typically been awhile since they’ve been single and likely a number a years since they were on a date. They feel insecure about their attractiveness
now that they are several years older than the last time they were single.
Dating Again After Divorce Reflection: What Do You Want Now in a Relationship?
Plus, the whole experience of getting a divorce and going through a divorce is so debilitating. On some level they feel less attractive and desirable to the opposite sex. So, before you jump back into the deep end of the dating world all over again while you’re still feeling like that, be sure to build yourself up again first. Do you feel really 100% ready to be dating again?
What are some of the things you learned from your marriage and divorce that make you different now? What do you want in a relationship now? Do I want to marry again? What you wanted in a marriage relationship in your late 20s will often be different than what you want in your 30s, 40s, or 50s. Reflect on what you want in a relationship now, what you have to offer a life partner, and what sort of person would match you well. Do you have children? Do you want children? Do want more children? Are you finished with raising children and have you moved into the “Empty Nest” phase of life? Consider and reflect upon your lifestyle now. What would fit well with who you are now? Not just who you were 15 years ago.
Dating Again After Divorce Reflection: Where to Meet Mr. or Ms. Right
Many singles dating again after divorce find it challenging to find quality singles to date. Life is
no longer like what it was back in high school and college where all you have to do is get up in the morning, get dressed and go to school where you immediately and automatically meet loads of great quality singles like you just by getting on the bus or showing up for class.
So, now where are you going to find eligible singles for you to date? Sure, there’s internet dating, and that’s a great relationship tactic to use, but don’t rely on only one way to meet prospective dates.
Dating Again After Divorce Reflection: Consider Updating Your Image
When you’re just about ready to get out on dates again, ask yourself another question. When was the last time I updated my look? To get some great ideas about looking attractive and up- to-date with the current fashions without being age inappropriate, watch some episodes of TLC’s “What Not To Wear” with Stacy London and Clinton Kelly. Your clothes, hairstyle and grooming could all benefit from a nudge into the current decade so you look your best and attract great potential dates for you looking attractive and age-appropriate, not just in a former fashion decade.
Dating Again After Divorce Reflection: Update Your Dating Manners
What is dating like now? Dating remains a great way to meet and become acquainted with another person. Let your dating life grow and unfold. Make the effort to become a good
conversationalist. Learn to listen better – it’ll certainly serve you well in your next romantic relationship and marriage! Additionally, read news magazines and books so you have something interesting to talk about on your dates. Lastly, when venturing back into dating again after divorce, remember to take it slowly and avoid Friday and Saturday night dates nights until you’re feeling ready and super confident again.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Dating and Relationship Expert, Internet Dating Profile
Writer, Dating Coach and Workshop Leader
As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition
